backend-ed

I’ve managed to restore the backend of this blog — meaning entries from 2003 through early 2006. Some of them are simply left in the chronological order they were first written in.

The back story: when I recently moved my website and this blog to my new ISP, I lost most of my archives. Well, lost isn’t exactly the word – misplaced is more like it. I’ve still about a year’s worth of posts to replace here, which I have within a mysql database.

If I can figure out how to transfer those entries from here to there (short of manually cutting and pasting each entry in after deleting the code), then I’ll be back in business. So to speak. So far, I’ve tried exporting the file as a RSS and a few other not-so-clever fixes, but without luck.

In the meantime, I’m glad to have at least some of my archives restored. As I read through them, it was touching for me to look back at my pregnancy with Thea and how enveloped I was in the Lover’s Path world at that time. It was also bittersweet, in a good way.

It’s strange to think that it’s just under two years since my beautiful girl entered the world. It feels like a whole life ago. Which it was — if you’re an almost two-year-old toddler.

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a small confession

I have to admit that blogging doesn’t come naturally to me. Writing does — my studio is littered (if that’s an appropriate word) with various journals, scraps of paper and lists of ideas and things to do. My mind is constantly hearing snatches of text that must be written down immediately so I don’t forget them. It terrifies me to think that I might miss some inspiration that might serve as a key for something that I’ve yet to unlock. I’m someone who carries a small notebook with her everywhere.

In other words, I’m receptive to words. But blogging is different.

The whole concept of having a journal online, in which anyone can read at any time, is a strange one. In some ways, I’ve struggled with defining the perimeters of this blog. This blog began as a journal to share my creative process as well as the process of publishing. Now it seems to serve as a way to share art and work-related news.

The times I’ve yearned to share on this blog in a deeper way, I’ve felt constrained. Part of my reason for this is purely pragmatic: how do I know that an editor I might work with one day will read something I’d rather they didn’t? So I edit myself. Another part of me remembers coming across my mother reading my journal as a child. She did not acknowledge her transgression, as if she felt entitled to my most private thoughts. It was so shocking to me that I think this has influenced what I feel able to share on paper — even today, I am circumspect with my written word just in case it is read by someone I’d rather hadn’t (such as the above-mentioned imaginary editor). So I pick and choose, in the best editorial sense.

I know there are people who relish sharing their most intimate thoughts with strangers online, sometimes in a way that seems almost exhibitionist of candor. And I admit to reading blogs where this is the case, some of which I’ve been following for years, such as Christine Miller’s Swirlygirl or A Little Pregnant. These blogs bring to mind the serial stories of Victorian times, where you await the next update to discover what happened next — a fact not lost on literary agents and aspiring authors alike. Sometimes it seems like a fair portion of blogs are an exploratory committee for a more ambitious venture down the line. Neal Pollack’s Alternadad is one that comes to mind, much as I enjoy reading it. Others I like for the snark, such as the Comics Curmudgeon or Wonkette.

And where does this leave my blog here? The reality is that I don’t know. Sometimes I like updating it and find it a useful way to keep track of my various projects, to feel a sense of accomplishment. Other times — as in the past week, when I was immersed in new projects and my husband had a work deadline and my daughter had the stomach flu and a friend was in distress — a blog seems like yet another reponsibility to be resented, along with laundry and dishes. My attitude changes from day to day.

I suppose the bottom line is that my blog is the end result. I look upon it as a way to share what I’m doing as an artist, an author and designer. I’m fortunate that I’m not looking for a literary agent to discover me via my blog (I’m very happy with the one I have, thank you). I’m not using my blog to create material to be turned into a book eventually, though it helps me clarify my thoughts about work underway. There’s nothing more which will come of this blog, save as a record for myself of what I was doing once upon a time.

Perhaps that is enough.

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a valentine for you

This Valentine’s Day, I invite you to experience a free Lover’s Path tarot reading over at Tarot Goddess, my website devoted to all things tarot. The Lover’s Path (the spread, not the tarot deck) is intended for times when a romantic relationship requires deep examination — perfect for Valentine’s Day!

Besides offering romantic advice, the Lover’s Path tarot reading studies the relationship on four levels, mirroring the elemental areas of water, fire, air, and earth. The thirteen cards chosen offers a complex picture of the relationship as it is at that moment, providing food for thought.

I created this tarot spread for inclusion in the book that accompanies The Lover’s Path Tarot. I hope you enjoy it on this most romantic of holidays!

And, if you’re interested, here’s a little background about Valentine’s Day (I think this comes from Wikipedia, though I’m not 100% sure):

“Legend has it that the word Valentine was born of events that occurred in third century Rome. During this time, Rome was ruled by the war-hungry Emperor Claudius the second. Apparently, Claudius was having a difficult time getting men to join the military and believed they weren’t doing so because they didn’t want to leave girlfriends and families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. A few priests, however, continued to marry couples in secret. One of these priests was St. Valentine. Of course, Claudius found out and ordered Valentine to be beaten with clubs and have his head cut off.

While St. Valentine was in prison, people threw flowers and notes up to his window to let him know that they, too, believed in love. One visitor, the daughter of a prison guard, visited Valentine in his cell quite frequently. It is said that the two would talk for hours and she helped keep his spirits up. Before Valentine died, he left this girl a note thanking her for her friendship and signed it, “Love from your Valentine.” That note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine’s Day. It was written on the day Valentine lost his head, which folklore claims as February 14th, 269 A.D.”

I hope your Valentine’s Day is considerably happier than the one experienced by St. Valentine’s!

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goddess painting of the day: Cerridwyn

Fresh from my drawing board, this is a drawing I’ve just completed of Cerridwyn, the Celtic goddess affiliated with the winter solstice. Most depictions I’ve seen present Cerridywn as a hag, almost Baba Yaga-esque in form. But as I drew her, this somewhat different sensibility is what came through — though Cerridywn is an old woman, she is a solemn and stately midwife to the new year. After all, birthing is serious business.

The drawing was created for Goddess Alive, a book I’m illustrating for Llewellyn Publications.The composition was somewhat inspired by a Waterhouse painting entitled “The Oracle.” I’m not sure Goddess Alive will be published. But I do know that my art deadline is May 1, or Beltane.

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Valentine’s Day — or Cupid’s Revenge?

I’ve been asked to write a guest blog on Michelle Buonfilgio’s romance-oriented blog. It’s posted here today. I used this opportunity to vent a bit about Valentine’s Day — it feels so pressureful, even to someone who’s a romantic at heart (such as myself). Michelle is the woman behind the ever-popular Romance Buy the Book; she was kind enough to choose the Lover’s Path Tarot as a top ten romantic gift for Valentine’s Day.

Anyway, I hope you’ll take a moment to read my guest blog. It’s entitled “Valentine’s Day — Or Cupid’s Revenge?”

Right now, I’m getting ready to head to Staples and to the post office. A new book proposal is getting sent out. I’m in the midst of what feels like a million last details. So much work has already been done — I (along with my co-author) are really ready to let this baby head into the world.

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